Work

I think that I fell too fast...

This usually happens with me. I end up getting pretty pumped about a relationship, and then when the time comes around to atually go for it... It blows up in my face.

I think I pushed her away...

When she came into my life the first time, I totally blew it. Hard core. But with the option of something so much more than I ever thought possible within my grasps, I feel as though it has slipped away from me. I've never been the best with words, and I think tonight only proved it. I've never been able to "sweep a girl off their feet" or to be the "one man every girl is looking for." I don't necessarily want to be that kind of person, but at times like these, you begin to think of all the things that could be, not all the things that are...

Above all, I know God is testing me in order to become the man I am supposed to be. I am so humble to that, but then again, so blind to almost everything He challenges me with. But, just when I think I need something more, I read Rachel's new blog and find all the meaning I need. It's in Psalm 4, and it shows us that we're all stupid, and that we should just rest assured that God has it pretty much planned out.

I know God hears me, but sometimes I don't trust it. How wrong is that? There's so much work that needs to be done... So much

The Valley Song...

Well, I know I have just been putting up song lyrics lately... Lately meaning all of my posts in the last two months... But I love getting completely lost in lyrics.  It's something I do to pass my time, and I'm pretty philosophical like that, I guess.  I diagnose songs for all they're worth.  Especially: Bright Eyes, Brand New, Emery, Jars of Clay, Jackson Browne, The Scene Aesthetic, Relient K, and others...  These are the bands (thus far) that I love to listen to mainly because of their lyrics.  When artists put everything they have into their profession, I return the favor, in kind, by listening to their songs over and over and over again in order to find what lies beneath.  Here's one of those songs.  One of my favorites by this band, actually.

The Valley Song (Sing of Your Mercy)

by: Jars of Clay

You have led me to the sadness,
I have carried this pain

On a back bruised, nearly broken;
I'm crying out to You.

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death, like a gypsy,
Comes to steal what I love.
I will still look to the heavens.
I will still seek your face.

But I fear You aren't listening,
Because there are no words.
Just the stillness,
and the hunger,
For a faith that assures.

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

alleluia, alleluia.
alleluia, alleluia.

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut.
Face to the ground using our hands
to cover the fatal cut.
Though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters,
and higher mountains have come down.

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy.

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy.

alleluia, alleluia.
alleluia, alleluia.

This is an amazing song.  I hope you all listen to it.  Have a good day...

Were it So Easy...

Insincerity

It's been a long time since I felt the rain upon my head

It's been a long time since I felt the rain upon my head

A moment in separation the foreground don't seem so bright.
These angels in my head are in between the shadow and the light.

Were my arms to short to ransom you from broken skin and black and blue
Unstitch your eyes so you could read this forever

Dead and broken and I'm backwards turned to love
My heart in a box I send you
for a sky held up by stars

Were my arms to short to ransom you from broken skin and black and blue
Unstitch your eyes so you could read this forever

It's been a long time since I felt the rain upon my head
Your varying degrees of grayness tugging the deepest of heartstrings.

Were my arms to short to ransom you from broken skin and black and blue
Unstitch your eyes so you could read this forever
Were my arms to short to ransom you from broken skin and black and blue

I'll stitch your eyes so you could read this forever.

By: Further Seems Forever

Taking Two to the Chest to Remember One to the Head to Forget...

I won't pretend
That we are all friends...
When all of us know that we're not.

And I am afraid
Of pulling my name
From all of the places I know I've been...

...On this slow down descent

The Anatomy of the Tongue - in - Cheek

"Jesus I pray: Take all my mistakes and throw them away. Destroy them for my sake. Jesus I call out because I'm sorry. Because I fall so short of your glory. To the best of my ability, I'm practicing humility. And I lay myself before, because less is more..."

How often do we need to pray this prayer? Oh yeah, everyday. As soon as I started to play this song this morning, I became so humble in the presence of Him. It was amazing.

Forever and a day I will be thankful for what it is I have been given. By the grace of God we are saved, and I couldn't be happier.

"Jesus I plead: please purify me. Make my heart clean, drench me with your mercy. Jesus I pray: I love you I need you. For the rest of my days, I swear I will seek you. To the best of my ability I'm practicing humility. And I lay myself before, because less is more."

And my heart left my chest...

Matthew 5 is a good book and chapter of the Bible. Read it.

Other lyrics that make me contemplative...

Thoughtlife
by
Emery

And my heart left my chest so forgive me
As you leave to find that next something new.
But I can't for the life of me remember when
You changed your words from 'I love you' to say you 'don't know.'

Just know that you can't take back what you've said.
Darling I'm not in the forgiving mood.
You kept on replying it was 'all in my head,'
Well you're just a liar,
And I've got the proof...
I've got the proof.

So with these few words you'll erase me.
Two years of our lives meant nothing to you.
But this fool that you've made of me has a lesson learned;
You can't trust a lover who was never a friend.

The end

Just know that you can't take back what you've said.
Darling I'm not in the forgiving mood.
You kept on replying it was 'all in my head,'
Well you're just a liar, and I've got the proof.
I got the proof.

I would have offered my life.
Taking you home,
Made you my wife.
But hearing you now,
filling your mouth
with the cowards lies
You're just a disguise
Of the girl of my dreams.
But I know she's waiting for me...

So I'll open my eyes to the day that's before me,
And leave here to find the next something new...

The Last Resort

"The Last Resort"
by:
The Eagles

She came from Providence,
the one in Rhode Island
Where the old world shadows hang
heavy in the air.
She packed her hopes and dreams
like a refugee.
Just as her father came across the sea.

She heard about a place people were smilin'
They spoke about the red man's way,
and how they loved the land.
And they came from everywhere
to the Great Divide
Seeking a place to stand,
or a place to hide.

Down in the crowded bars,
out for a good time,
"Can't wait to tell you all,
what it's like up there."
And they called it paradise
I don't know why.
Somebody laid the mountains low
while the town got high.

Then the chilly winds blew down
Across the desert
Through the canyons of the coast, to
the Malibu.
Where the pretty people play,
hungry for power
to light their neon way
and give them things to do.

Some rich men came and raped the land,
Nobody caught 'em.
Put up a bunch of ugly boxes, and Jesus'
people bought 'em.
And they called it paradise
The place to be;
They watched the hazy sun, sinking in the sea.

You can leave it all behind
and sail to Lahaina;
just like the missionaries did, so many years ago.
They even brought a neon sign:"Jesus is coming"
Brought the white man's burden down,
Brought the white man's reign.

Who will provide the grand design?
What is yours and what is mine?
'Cause there is no more new frontier,
We have got to make it here.

We satisfy our endless needs and
justify our bloody deeds;
in the name of destiny
and in the name of God.

And you can see them there,
On Sunday morning.
Stand up and sing about
What it's like up there.
They called it 'paradise'
I don't know why.
You call someplace paradise,
kiss it goodbye...

Man, how I love The Eagles.